SS PT 2012 - Family Ties.

What sets Singaporeans apart? What defines us, what characterizes us? The answer is simple. Just look at the hundred of parodist skits and songs that humor us Singaporeans after a long, typical day.

First, of course, we have our Singlish, our loud, drawling accent. Secondly, we have our physical characteristics, with us looking very much like our native Chinese, Malay and Indian counterparts yet being so different in culture and behaviour. No one can forget about the mouthwatering food, or our rojak makeup, or the greenery and scenery that set us apart from all other countries and give us the label so commonly used in primary school compositions: 花园城市, Garden City.

What, then, sets Singaporeans apart when it comes to family?

Families are the foundations of every country, and Singapore is no exception. Everyone belongs to a community, and families are the most basic communities of all people. Blood is thicker than water.Familial ties are the strongest ties of all, and family members are the ones we go to in good times and bad, to share our hopes, dreams and failures.

The kampong spirit is the descriptor we toss around most often, when tasked to describe our local families. Kampong spirit is a term derived from the pre-modernisation days, when families lived as a big ‘clan’, in villages or along the same street, not only family but neighbours and friends. Children played together, families dined together, and everyone knew everything about everyone else and all were happy and gay.

Says Mdm Kay An Bua in Mandarin, a daughter, mother, and grandmother who had gone through the Japanese Occupation, merger and separation, and most importantly, the growth of Singapore into what she is today:

“In the past, all three generations lived together. There were household rules to be followed: everyone was respectful to their elders, everyone had to eat together during mealtimes. Everyone said whatever they liked, and it was a very happy time. But in modern-day families everyone is busy with their own affairs, hence there is very little time for everyone to get together, to have a meal together. Even during mealtimes everyone is absorbed in their own world, and the happy atmosphere is lacking.”

Unfortunately, this is true.

Times have changed. Singapore has become a developed, globalised nation, and with that fundamental shift come great socio-economic changes. With the market extending to beyond the borders of Singapore, with the world becoming ‘flat’ due to advanced communication technology and information sharing, competitiveness has increased correspondingly and this increase is being felt by everyone in Singapore, regardless of age, race, occupation or background.

Students find their curriculum changing once every few years, getting more and more advanced to meet the needs of a nation whose future lies in the hands of the next generation. They feel the pressure of a country’s expectations even from a young, tender age.

“Now I’m in Primary Five, and I feel that my workload is, well, a lot and has increased tremendously since Primary Four,” shares Lyn Tan, an 11-year-old studying in Tao Nan School. “Like there was once I wanted to watch The Amazing Spiderman but I had this school trip to go to and I had really wanted to spend the time with my family.”

Teenager Chew Zhi Wei voices similar troubles. “Both of my parents are working, so they come home at 7pm, sometimes later, so they don’t have as much time to care about us and coach us.”

Adults, too, are feeling the effects of globalization. The international competitiveness has spurred companies on, making them all clamouring to be the best, richest, most influential in the global market. Employers and employees alike are feeling the crunch.

“Globalisation also means that, the country, as a whole, has progressed considerably,” says prominent family lawyer Ms Foo Siew Fong. “It also means that things are more expensive around here, people have to work harder. We are working longer hours because it is required of work, so [as for] the quality of life, it has suffered considerably.”

Truly, it has. A study by NTU shows that an average Singaporean works on a 42-hour five-and-a-half day work-week in contrast to the many other countries that work on a 35-hour five-day work-week. ^[1] Parents are working hard, the induced stress means that even in time allocated for relaxation they do not have the energy to actively bond with their children or their own parents. Children in the past spent afternoons frolicking about with neighbours, playing games with their siblings and talking to their parents over meals, but this too, has suffered with the ever-increasing amount of homework the youth face.

Also, Singapore’s town planning and land use has made the implementation of family kampongs close to impossible, with housing prices rocketing and the population density increasing with the influx of foreigners on top of domestic population growth. As Mdm Kay had noted, 三代同堂 (three generations under a single roof) had been a common occurrence, but now it is much, much rarer. Civil servant Mr Roy Foo notes in summary, “Physically, [family members] are together, but mentally they are somewhere else because the kids would be playing with their iPads and iPhones, and the parents will be busy talking and SMSing and doing their own things.”

The time and even energy each member has available to spend with the family has undergone a sharp decline as a result of globalization, and as a result the close-knitness and ensuing respectfulness for the elders that have characterized all Singaporean families has been vanishing exponentially.

The family is the building block of society, and the weakness in foundational structure will cause any structure to undergo wear and tear much, much faster. The children, undoubtedly, will be the hardest-hit. They depend on their family for emotional support, and families are essential for the growth of a child’s character, morals and confidence. “The children nowadays are very well-informed, but in spite of that they still need their parents’ guidance and love, to support them and keep them on the right track, emphasizes Mdm Kay, and rightfully so. With a decreasing average family bond, where will the children get their support? This will just create a vicious cycle, where our future generations are not aware of the significance behind family bonding, and fail to initiate that with their own children. Numerous international studies show that a child with sound familial upbringing and loving elders not only do better in society and in character, they also are more willing to pass this love and unwavering care on to youngsters of their own. So if we fail to patch up the holes in the once-tightly-woven families of Singapore, this domino effect will undoubtedly continue on, and if this comes to an extreme, what will happen to the confidence and strength of character of Singapore’s future leaders?

As can be seen, this impacts everybody, and similarly, everyone has a part to play in rectifying this issue. Everyone is part of a community, and everyone is part of a family. However, initiatives and campaigns are needed to raise awareness and to kick-start family bonding again.

I am sure many would agree with me that mealtimes with the whole family are one of the best ways to interact with your family members, to get to know them, to laugh with and talk to them. Yet with the busy schedules of many Singaporeans these family meals have been decreased to the occasional family lunch at a restaurant, where everyone is absorbed in their own technological devices, or even down to the once-a-year reunions during respective racial festivities. These are not enough. Daily meals as a family are required, and that is the message Eat With Your Family Day 2012 ^[2] is trying to bring across to us. Eat With Your Family Day is a day where companies and schools are encouraged to let off staff and students at 5pm so that the family may prepare a meal together.  “It acts as a starting point for families to commit to have a meal together on a regular if not daily basis,” states the site of this campaign. “Through this, we want to make the Asian tradition of family meals the avenue to build family unity and cohesion.” This initiative is highly applaudable and much could be achieved, but awareness of it must be built up.

However, with us being uniquely Singaporean, we ‘Singaporean aunties’ love nothing more than the chance to save through sales and discounts! And that is why a Family Week is sure to be very well-received.

Family Week will be a fun-filled week that happens every June and December [during children’s long school holidays], where discounts are given especially to families patronizing various recreational centres together. Like the Great Singapore Sale, this has the potential to be a much looked-forward-to event that will not only foster family bonding, but also chance for the local retail and service industries to profit from the fun! Take a look at this:

This cannot be done, however, without active participation from companies and individuals alike. Each person must make it a personal goal to work towards a greater sense of family among first, individual families, and through that, spread the care and warmth between all Singaporeans. Even though Singapore’s landscape has changed and kampongs as we know them have all but vanished, the kampong spirit can still be felt by all of us. Work towards achieving this goal with your own family. Start small, aim high, and together we shall weave the family ties that will ultimately aim to bind all Singaporeans as one happy family!